Fabula de virtute et amore
by anushkaraheja
Summary: Because War is Hell / The story of Lily Evans, fallen angels and how war never fixes, only breaks / Rated T because I am paranoid but all the best people are/ Oneshot
AN: It is my first story so be please be kind and review it. I promise that I can take constructive criticism and will not hunt you down. This story is completely unbeta-ed and I am new to this site so I will appreciate if you tell me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I have been unable to convince Joanne Katherine Rowling to hand over the spectacular Harry Potter series to me so no, I do not claim to own it.

Warning: death and mild swearing and no dialogue

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Fabula de virtute et amore – The fable of bravery and love

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At eighteen years of age, Lily has a heart scarred with fractures of pain and a smile too weary for her years. Her eyes are dimmed with fizzled out light. Her hair is bright and billowing and she resembles a fallen angel in her wake. She loves and she is loved but her bright smile hides the agony of the monsters tangled in her limbs. She is a specimen created by the weight of the war placed on her too fragile shoulders.

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Lily's life is rough, in the loosest definition of the term. The rose tint of her childhood has been smashed and her perfect, pretty world has already tumbled around her being.

Despite this and the constant danger hanging over her head, she feels mostly fine because even though she is confused and almost certainly doomed , she knows that whatever _, whatever_ happens she will always have the people she loves best right by her side. Or maybe at her back or front, depending on the conditions. Random lazy afternoons at Headquarters where no one pretends to have their act together and she does not see people hiding fear behind masks of audacity and calm prove this to her.

She sees Marlene, her blonde hair messily floating around her face, her voice vibrant as she bickers with Sirius whose eyes are lighter and his mood brighter than his usual broody demeanour. Remus, engaged in deep conversation with Edgar, has a relaxed look on his scarred face. A look that is as rare as Dumbledore actually being straight-forward about important things. Dorcas nurses a mug of coffee as she leans towards a peaceful Benjy against the wall. Emmeline does not carry her usual brisk stance and always laughs along to one of Caradoc's stories. Fabian and Gideon joke around, with Mundungus in tow. She sees Hestia sprawled across the carpeted floor and watches her blue eyes dance across the room as she talks with James. James, _her_ James with his bright smile and warm hands and open heart.

She imagines it all and swells with love for these kids who have officially claimed her as one of their own. In here, it is almost too easy to forget that they are in the middle of a war and that there are bounties on their heads. It is hard to imagine her friends as rebels who stare down death at a daily basis when they are just 17 or 18 year olds, barely adults, paving their way to the world. She finds it almost impossible to remember that a war was still waging and it could choke them at any moment.

Regardless, these days are some of the only days where she believed, completely and wholeheartedly that she and all her loved ones could survive this war. They might be able to soar high over every abomination that had ever threatened to destroy them and become what they thought they would never be able to be. This thought, it festers its way inside her and makes her feel _infinite_. It inspires hope within her and keeps her going because achieving equality and love and normalcy was the reason she decided to fight at all. She holds on to this feeling, because it makes her happy and happiness is hard to come by when in midst of bloodshed and desolation.

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She marries James one spring day, months after he first proposed. The wedding is completely spontaneous and ill-planned but it is everything she could have asked for. All her friends dance crudely to Beatles' music and James' parents look on fondly. Even though it is not the fairy-tale wedding she dreamed of and she does not quite forget the fact that Petunia did not even bother to show her face. Even if she is wearing a barely passable white dress, her make-up is less than perfect and the wedding cake is not seven-tiered, she cannot find it in her heart to care and that is all that matters. Now, as she dances with James to the Weird Sisters' new single, she does not remember ever feeling so euphoric.

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She leans against the toilet as she tries to gather herself together after looking at the fated glowing stick.

She breathes raggedly in short pants while clutching her hair in her hands and feels like crying and laughing and punching someone all at once. Slowly, fear creeps into her mind and she attempts to analyse her situation.

There is a tiny human growing inside her and she should be happy. She _is_ happy, kind of, but she is also scared shitless. There is a goddamn war roaring in their world and they are very unstable and even more unsafe. This isn't the correct time and no one, _no one_ deserves to live that way. And oh my Merlin, James is away on a life-threatening mission and his parents just died and _what is she going to do_.

Despite the unquenchable fear, something resembling bliss and undeniable love takes over every fibre of her being. She and James have actually managed to produce this tiny person amidst a war where the opposing side would rather prefer that they cease to breathe at the moment and it almost feels like a massive victory. She decides then and there that she would protect her baby forever, Voldemort be damned.

She is Lily Evans and she is a complete mess of fear, resolutions and happiness but there is no way in hell that she would not make this world better for her baby. She has seen the deaths of Benjy and Caradoc and she **will** survive this war.

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James is ecstatic when she tells him the news and they stay in their comfortable, happy bubble for a while before the war pops it open because the war is ruthless and cruel and unforgiving.

The Order's last mission backfired completely and there is a myriad of scars spanning Marlene's back while Dorcas no longer breathes.

Lily freezes up as she sees cold, emotionless Emmeline break down and feels bile rise up her throat as she imagines fierce, brave Dorcas unconscious with the spark of rebellion no longer glinting from her eyes. Of course it took Voldemort himself to kill Dorcas, who fiercely stood up for whatever she cared for and was the most capable witch Lily had ever met. Lily was and is firmly under the belief that Merlin himself would not be able to withstand Dorcas' wrath when she was truly scorned. It is a small consolation that Dorcas died the way she wanted to, with adrenaline rushing through her veins and on her feet. An image of Dorcas chasing Benjy around the Black Lake invades her mind and she manages a small smile while sobbing into James' chest.

If Lily has learnt something about the war, it is that even the good side does not get what it deserves most of the time and she is pretty sure that none of them deserve the war washing over their minds and sanity.

She prays for her enemies to attain mercy from God because they sure as hell aren't going to get it from her when she gets to them.

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She holds up baby Harry against her chest and watches his baby blue eyes mould into a mirror of her own bright emerald green. James grins at her and his eyes are practically cheesy love declarations and here, Lily feels positively radiant.

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Lily watches Sirius' face close up and only manages to pass Harry to a clearly distraught James before her own knees buckle and she falls to the ground.

Marlene, with her messy hair and the brightest smile Lily has ever seen is the only thought on her mind. She remembers the eleven year old who welcomed Lily with open arms and had been her rock since then. She remembers her vibrancy and her blazing eyes. She remembers watching her gulp down coffee as if her life depended on it and the way she went through her life with a smile on her face and so much life in her eyes that it made Lily feel like crying. A delirious laugh escapes her lips because this couldn't possibly be _real_ as Marlene had promised her that they would be best friends forever and _ever_ and the Marlene she knew would never _ever_ break a promise like that.

She wonders if forever really was that short and with that thought, a part of her heart breaks.

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Images flash through her mind as the shot of green light hits her and she prays for Harry and wonders if he will ever forgive her.

In the end, all that mattered were the people whose images were lit like lanterns in her mind as she took her last breath.

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Voila, hope you liked it and don't forget to review!

-Anushka


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